5 year anniversary, look how far we’ve got!

nico&fer the chinese wall

It’s amazing, we are celebrating 5 happy years! This year had it’s particularities and in short all I can say is that we enjoyed it, grew in loving each other and decided to enlarge our family.
The more you add years to your marriage the more you get to see your husband in different circumstances and get to know him more and have even more reasons to love him. I’m learning every year that marriage is not a straight line that you follow, it’s intertwined, surprising with it’s doze of routine. It’s suppose to make you feel loved and make you love. And together you get to grow as a person and in your relationship.
As I’ve done every year, here’s what I’ve learnt from this last year:
depend on each other in a way that doesn’t make you “handicapped” in your capabilities, but rather shows that you love
and honor each other enough to let them do things for you. That will make you feel closer, needed and useful.
trust each other; living with doubt can be so harmful.
don’t take each other for granted; not even the time you get to spend together.
talk about your past. It’s empowering to discuss what you’ve gone through together.
• also revisit the happy moments. Celebrate these moments and be proud you came out on top and you just look back with happiness.
plan your future together. Weather it’s a crazy dream or actual reality, it’s so important to share it with your partner. You are two individuals, but you share your lives together. So it’s no longer each for their own, it’s both of you for each other
encourage and support each other. Never underestimate the power of words. You should be each other’s biggest fans. If not you, someone else will.
deciding to enlarge your family should come at a time in your relationship when it’s stable, loving and are actually financially able. Of course, surprises may happen, but that’s another story. I believe it’s not a decision you should take if your relationship is in trouble, having a baby won’t make it better or fix it.
• find something you both like doing together, like sports, traveling, some sort of activity that allows you to spend quality time together and it’s just for the two of you.
• learn to lovingly do things that mean a lot or are important for the other even if that might be an effort for you, like waking up early in the morning, although you don’t have to, just to have breakfast together.
• it’s important to understand that love becomes a choice, with time you discover that neither of you is perfect, but you choose to see the best in the other and love each other every day.
I could go on with my list, but I just want to end this post by saying that I feel so blessed to have Fernando as my husband and friend and get to share my life with him. God knew better whom to bring in my life and I literally couldn’t be happier.

4 year anniversary … see you next year! :-)

It’s been just 4 years, but I feel like it’s been 10. It has been so eventful!! We have had and have a lot of happy moments and times when some effort is needed to get over a fight. We don’t really have serious fights, since we cannot really stay mad at each other for more than a day…aham…I mean me 😀 as Fernando is always more forgiving and nicer than I am. He is a blessing to me and I’m thankful to God for bringing us together!

Now, let’s get back to the practical items. These are a few things I have learnt this past year:

  • constantly fall in love and remind yourself and your partner why you love them and what you admire about them.
  • always keep in mind that you are in “this” together.
  • make plans together, not separately.
  • having the same principles will make your life together so much easier and smoother!
  • if you fail or succeed as a couple it’s something you both to share the blame for.
  • your happinness is not your partner’s responsability and vice versa.
  • communication and trust are vital!!!
  • it’s not just mine, or just his, it’s ours.
  • you will change with time and as long as you change together and walk in the same direction, that’s great!
  • make sure you share your thoughts, feelings, dreams and disappointments with your partner first, not with someone else, whoever that might be.
  • make your partner your priority; not your friends, your hobby or your career! Because you share your life with a person, not an activity or a job.
  • go for walks and reminisce on the good and hard times and be happy on how far you’ve got 🙂
  • understand and accept that you have lows and highs and it’s important you treat them accordingly; don’t ponder too much on the lows and enjoy at most the highs.
  • make sure you share a common activity, but don’t forget that you are your own person and you don’t have to do everything together.
  • having alone time is needed and healthy and it’s not a sign that you love your partner less.
  • love is expressed In different ways; learn which is the one your partner uses and appreciate it and encourage it. Is it words, is it acts of kindness, is it physical, etc.

I could go on for hours, but one thing that is for sure is that your relationship is a journey, not a destination!

Last, it’s something that I say every year, but I am certain we’re a match made in heaven.

Love you, baby and I’m loving our journey together!

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2 year anniversary, not too shabby

Just a few weeks ago I wrote a post “It’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage” where I couldn’t have emphasized more that investing in your marriage is far more important than how your wedding day goes. I will always stand by this statement. I don’t think our wedding day was perfect and I don’t remember much of it, but I do cherish how happy I’ve been in the last 2 years.

I came up with the idea to have a sort of a notebook where Fernando and I write every year for our anniversary what we have learnt that year or until then. I think it’s a great way to see over the years how we have evolved as individuals due to our relationship and how our relationship has evolved as well. I think it’s super important to remember what you have learnt and how you have changed.

So, here are some things that I have learnt in the last year:

  • Before sharing anything with Fernando, make sure to tell him if I just want to be listened to or I just want advice or some real hard core help with it. Anything that I tell Fernando, he will want to fix it, help me with it and do everything that he can to make me happy; So, I have to be careful not to pass on my worries or problems. Sometimes, I just want to share what happened and I move on, so no need for a drama for it. NOTE! this applies to any guy 🙂
  • From living as a single mind set to couple mind set. I have the freedom to do and plan whatever I want, but I have to be considerate of him and plan together.
  • Compromise. I have to go places that Fernando wants or watch movies that he likes, although I don’t like them myself. He does the same for me and it’s just healthy.
  • Mutual happiness. It’s not only about my selfish happiness, it’s about making him happy from the big things to the smallest things like, preparing a great brunch on Saturdays or send him funny pictures to make him smile.
  • Dream together. It’s not enough to have your own dreams and plans, to know where you are going, if you’re going alone. It’s so important and intimate to have a common dream, a common direction.
  • Support no matter how hard it is. It’s one of the most crucial things for a guy to feel he is being supported in what he does and how he feels. He must know and feel that is is not alone, that he has his partner to lean on.
  • Don’t speak when you’re angry. Whenever there’s a fight or a misunderstanding, it\s easy just to throw words around. This will not build up your relationship, just resentment and lack of respect.
  • Intimacy is sharing life together, talking, supporting each other, sex, encouraging, knowing where you’re at every single day! If any of these is missing, there is a disbalance.
  • Don’t ignore issues, frustration of needs. If one of us is frustrated about something or has an issue that they’re dealing with, it must be tackled, they won’t just go away!

All in all, I know that this has been said over and over again, but you must communicate. The moment you stop talking, it’s the moment the relationship is going downhill. So far we have managed to crack all these things and I pray and hope that I will never be too stubborn to stop doing it. A marriage is about   love, respect, intimacy, encouragement, support, friendship and the list goes on. But start with these and you’re good to go.

This year we have celebrated our anniversary in Champagne, France and I think it was the best week-end I’ve had in years. We also didn’t have a lot of champagne, but enough beer 🙂

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