Just a few weeks ago I wrote a post “It’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage” where I couldn’t have emphasized more that investing in your marriage is far more important than how your wedding day goes. I will always stand by this statement. I don’t think our wedding day was perfect and I don’t remember much of it, but I do cherish how happy I’ve been in the last 2 years.
I came up with the idea to have a sort of a notebook where Fernando and I write every year for our anniversary what we have learnt that year or until then. I think it’s a great way to see over the years how we have evolved as individuals due to our relationship and how our relationship has evolved as well. I think it’s super important to remember what you have learnt and how you have changed.
So, here are some things that I have learnt in the last year:
- Before sharing anything with Fernando, make sure to tell him if I just want to be listened to or I just want advice or some real hard core help with it. Anything that I tell Fernando, he will want to fix it, help me with it and do everything that he can to make me happy; So, I have to be careful not to pass on my worries or problems. Sometimes, I just want to share what happened and I move on, so no need for a drama for it. NOTE! this applies to any guy 🙂
- From living as a single mind set to couple mind set. I have the freedom to do and plan whatever I want, but I have to be considerate of him and plan together.
- Compromise. I have to go places that Fernando wants or watch movies that he likes, although I don’t like them myself. He does the same for me and it’s just healthy.
- Mutual happiness. It’s not only about my selfish happiness, it’s about making him happy from the big things to the smallest things like, preparing a great brunch on Saturdays or send him funny pictures to make him smile.
- Dream together. It’s not enough to have your own dreams and plans, to know where you are going, if you’re going alone. It’s so important and intimate to have a common dream, a common direction.
- Support no matter how hard it is. It’s one of the most crucial things for a guy to feel he is being supported in what he does and how he feels. He must know and feel that is is not alone, that he has his partner to lean on.
- Don’t speak when you’re angry. Whenever there’s a fight or a misunderstanding, it\s easy just to throw words around. This will not build up your relationship, just resentment and lack of respect.
- Intimacy is sharing life together, talking, supporting each other, sex, encouraging, knowing where you’re at every single day! If any of these is missing, there is a disbalance.
- Don’t ignore issues, frustration of needs. If one of us is frustrated about something or has an issue that they’re dealing with, it must be tackled, they won’t just go away!
All in all, I know that this has been said over and over again, but you must communicate. The moment you stop talking, it’s the moment the relationship is going downhill. So far we have managed to crack all these things and I pray and hope that I will never be too stubborn to stop doing it. A marriage is about love, respect, intimacy, encouragement, support, friendship and the list goes on. But start with these and you’re good to go.
This year we have celebrated our anniversary in Champagne, France and I think it was the best week-end I’ve had in years. We also didn’t have a lot of champagne, but enough beer 🙂